Are you a "giver?"

As the yoga practice came to a close, the instructor’s soft voice wove into a narrative about the symbiotic nature of relationships. “It’s about the giving, the taking, the giving, the taking,” she said, as waves crashed against the rocks below, and the sun continued its upward crest towards the horizon. I was at a beach hotel in Cozumel, Mexico, on assignment for Destination Weddings & Honeymoons Magazine. I'd set down my notebook and camera in order to begin day #1 of my trip with a yoga class.

Seated cross-legged, my hands resting on my knees, sweat dripping from my brow, I thought back to the night before, when an editor emailed to express a “major concern” – a colleague had used my name (without my permission) to try and get a pay raise. She revealed what I was paid for a recent article -- information I freely shared in an attempt to let her know about a market that might buy her work. Never did I suspect she'd try and leverage my success with that particular market for her own gain. For the 90-minute morning-yoga session at my hotel in Mexico I’d managed to leave that anger behind. Was it time to put it behind me forever?

Freelance writing often means you are the sole decision-maker. You set the parameters for your writing business, nobody else. Since I started writing as an independent contractor in 1999 I’ve made an unconscious decision to network. Only I don’t do it the old-school way where I fly around the country to conferences, slip into high heels and a blazer, and set up dinner dates with other writers. Sure, there were a few conferences here and there. But there were also virtual writers groups I joined in an attempt to stave off isolation, to shake off the feeling that I was the only worker on this island of a business, and to forge community. It worked in more ways than I can count. I shared market leads. I never thought twice about giving. I addressed the frustrations and concerns of my fellow writers with kindness and support (and it came back to me numerous times in late-night phone calls and “you can do this” rah-rah emails, some from writers I had never met). I even landed prosperous gigs by taking this same information when it was given to me. Multiple times I met up with my fellow writers, sometimes on other continents, to match faces with email addresses and Facebook profiles. 

But here is the dirty truth: being a "giver" -- where you freely share information out of kindness -- is a tricky business. Who, exactly, are you giving to? Are the ones taking your information giving something back? If not, it’s time to reevaluate, as the wise yoga teacher said, the nature of that relationship.